Beyond the Birds and the Bees: Teaching Teens About Intimacy, Consent, and Connection
More than twenty years ago, when I first moved to my little corner of New England, I shared a dream with a fellow physician: I wanted to enhance sex education in middle and high schools.
He told me I was crazy. Since then, I have worked on a small scale with some local private schools and some of our public middle and high schools.
My goal was never simply to teach the mechanics of sex. I wanted to help destigmatize conversations about sex, relationships, and intimacy. I wanted teens and tweens to understand that sex is more than a physical act—it is rooted in connection, trust, communication, and respect. By linking intimacy to sex, I hoped to decrease sexual violence and rape, and to minimize the impact that the porn industry has on this demographic.
I want to empower young people—regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race, or religion—to honor their own bodies and the bodies of others. I want them to understand the biology that drives so many of the feelings and questions that arise during puberty and adolescence. Most importantly, I wanted them to know that curiosity is normal, questions are welcome, and knowledge is empowering.
Over the past two years, thanks to a partnership with the Thompson Ecumenical Empowerment Group (TEEG) and a grant from the Womens & Girls Fund of the Community Foundation of Eastern Connecticut, I was able to spread information and empower the next generation.
I have presented an interactive workshop to the entire freshman class at The Woodstock Academy, led classroom workshops at Putnam High School, delivered lecture-style presentations with audience participation at Thompson Middle School, and facilitated small, intimate discussions at Tourtellotte Memorial High School.
In every setting, the mission has been the same: break down barriers around conversations about sex and intimacy.
Together, we have talked about understanding our bodies, navigating puberty, building respectful relationships, and recognizing the difference between healthy intimacy and what is often portrayed on social media, television, YouTube, and other online platforms. We have also discussed the hidden dangers that exist online and how digital behaviors can have real-world consequences.
I have loved every one of these opportunities. If even one student leaves feeling more informed, more empowered, or more confident in setting boundaries and seeking healthy relationships, then the work is worthwhile. If these conversations help reduce non-consensual or violent encounters as young people begin exploring relationships, then I know we are making a difference.
My heartfelt thanks to Jill Borbeau and Meg Gohn for their leadership and coordination of these programs, and to the Community Foundation of Eastern Connecticut for providing the grant support that made this work possible.
The next generation deserves accurate information, honest conversations, and trusted adults willing to meet them where they are. I am grateful to be part of that effort.
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